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        Necro Gal Sid  33, Female, California, USA - 4 entries
    12
    Jan 2007
    11:10 AM EDT
       

    today is one of many good days. i have many of those now. i feel so happy right now... WOW i dont event know why. DOODE today i found out i was failing my math class but i dont know why!!! im the smartest kid in that class......WTH..anyway other than thatim like REALLY happy....second period was THE BEST...ahhh but i dont know what to paly for my finals....WHY MUST WE DO SOLO'S?????? EEK MUAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHA
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        ashley<3'sU  33, Female, California, USA - 12 entries
    12
    Jan 2007
    11:10 AM EDT
       

    MUSIC... IS PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE OTHER THAN YOUR FAMILY. IF YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT IT MUSIC HAS BEEN AROUND FOR SUCH A LONG TIME AND EVERYONE LISTENS TO IT WEATHER ITS ON AN IPOD OR A CD PLAYER EVERYONE LOVES IT...
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        ashley<3'sU  33, Female, California, USA - 12 entries
    12
    Jan 2007
    11:08 AM EDT
       

    Lable whores!!! Are you 1 of them? welli if you like to shop for expensive clothes and you your like f**kin bankruot then you are!!!! well i for one am to and yea!!!! lable whores shouldnt be hated on because we can afford clothes that we like. lable whores are f**kin awesome!!!! (sidnee)
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        oconfessionario  40, Female, North Carolina, USA - 8 entries
    12
    Jan 2007
    10:30 AM EDT
       

    Here I am again, yet another online journal. There's no telling how many I have now, floating out there in the cyberworld universe... No matter. The inspiration is always novel (at least to me), and I am here to tell all, for once and for all, the daily thoughts, plans, dreams, ideas, rantings, etc. however menial that characterize my life on Earth. I'm hoping I'll be completely honest here, so that I can read over my words and decipher for myself what I think I should do or become or whatever other benefit journal writing has. The only rule is: Everything goes. Shall we begin? I believe that my fatal flaw is rumination. Not just on negative things, which tend to eat me away while I torture myself needlessly, but with positive things as well. Until I obsess and beat to death a dream or idea with the blunt force object of 'someday' thinking. I've realized, recently that the entire realm of the 'someday' does not really exist, and not only is it a pretend matter, but it is a cruel tease as well. People can be ruined by their dreams; I know this. This process can be summed up in one deceivingly beautiful word: disillusionment. Of course, ruminating on negative things is also terrible, while maybe not quite as bad as ruminating on the positive. It makes those stabs of physical pain all the more unbearable, heartache a precipice to suicide, self-doubt an undefeatable and grotesque monster. The point being, for the past several years of my life, spanning through adolescence and well into early adulthood, I have had a very strong but vague feeling that life had at some point become for my soul, completely unfulfilling. But until recently I did not realize that I truly was my own worst enemy, or those inner demons were (but in the end, I listened to them, so it was me that became the real tyrant after all). Rumination: to chew again or over and over. "I let the beast in and then I even tried forgiving him but it's too soon so I'll fight again again again again again" -Fiona Apple "We're human beings, not human doings" -Someone said, as referenced to me by my very kind counselor When rumination becomes a daily evil, it grows and festers until it inhabits your every waking moment. Before you can realize what's happening, your mind has been completely consumed with the waste of unappreciated ideas, life-solutions ("what was so wrong with my life in the first place?" you'll never think to ask), self-doubt, worry, judgments and is devoid of joy or any other remotely recognizable emotion. All of a sudden you've been completely stripped bare of what you never had to work for or think about or self-motivate for to begin with. I think it comes with the territory of leaving childhood. We think we must forsake all of our carefree ways if we ever want to get anywhere, become someone, do something with our lives. And that's where a foreign, but easily recognizable face makes his way in. The first demon of subtlety paves the way for the demon whose evil is apparent from any facet, and yet once he makes a home for himself, deep beneath your skin, by the time you've discovered another presence, the water is so deep and dark and freezing cold, that it seems, since you have no choice in the matter anyway, might as well take the plunge and discover that liquid submerged world below. Come on in, the water feels fine. I lay in bed at night, close my eyes, and try to find solitude from the menacing thoughts and circumstances I've conjured, all in mental picture shadowboxes, with their own completely separate connotations. All I can see in my mind's eye is a kaleidoscope of strange people popping up here and there, doing completely understandable but not quite identifiable things. Sometimes there are objects, environments, situations. To say the least, it isn't quite pleasant. To feel that I have no control over what comes in, because I certainly didn't ever see that person before in my life, how did she get there? Maybe... I've concluded, they're just my demon's other victims. While I'm content to lie in a bed for several hours rest, he simply plugs in a tape, a cinematic collage of all the different spirits he's tormented in a day, and is then free to torture others. Surely a demon never rests. Awareness, to him, is the brink of destruction. But the battle is never over, especially not while my lungs still pump air, my heart beats and my mind is washed over in experience after emotion after mental illness. I'll continue this train of thought later, when I'm feeling more in control of where it's headed. For now it's all a little too much for me, I write as I uncover all the mysteries plaguing my spirit, and I feel as though I've discovered too much truth for one sitting.
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    1 comment(s) - 07:13 PM - 01/12/2007
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        Jalisa  37, Female, Louisiana, USA - 2 entries
    11
    Jan 2007
    10:26 PM EDT
       

    I went and registered for college.Major is Medical Office It's my third semester in college. I am really trying to accomplish all my goal in life.
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    1 comment(s) - 10:19 AM - 01/12/2007
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        babygiggles892  33, Female, California, USA - 3 entries
    12
    Jan 2007
    10:25 AM EDT
       

    iM S0RRy L0UiS!! ='[[
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        shelbs  35, Female, Florida, USA - First entry!
    11
    Jan 2007
    10:24 PM EDT
       

    Everything will wonderful someday..someday. someday seems so close that you can grab it..like a star..only, you know it's billions of miles away >_< [errg!] must be nice to sleep at night..you know, all guilt free and shit. dude..i love someone and they have no idea exactly how much, and in this i see myself mirroring another..
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        louis  34, Male, California, USA - 4 entries
    12
    Jan 2007
    10:23 AM EDT
       

    im sitting here on a computer. its so boring just to keep writing over and over again. this should be more interesting.but its all done just so i can get a good grade. and its going ok. besides this girl shaina who im am really mad a right know, shes lucky i dont throw her across the room,or throw a chair at her..............lol j/k
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        jay  34, Male, California, USA - 4 entries
    12
    Jan 2007
    10:22 AM EDT
       

    For christmas i got a playstation 3 and it is bad. i have fight night round 3, madden07 and i love how they hit. that game is real sometime i think i be in the game. the noise sound nice. fight night round 3 who could beet me im just the best in all games. ask louis what happened in madden i blow him out. the score was 42-o that how bad i beet louis.
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        jay  34, Male, California, USA - 4 entries
    12
    Jan 2007
    10:21 AM EDT
       

    For christmas i got a playstation 3 and it is bad. i have fight night round 3, madden07 and i love how they hit. that game is real sometime i think i be in the game. the noise sound nice. fight night round 3 who coudl beet me im just the best in all games. ask louis what happened in madden i blow him out. the score was 42-o that how bad i beet louis.
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